it's almost February.
am i the only one who is not ok with that?
i'll be 23 on the 20th.
i should change this blog title to "The Old Lady Chronicles"
since i'm so fucking old.
/drama.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
smells like teen spirit
i'm drinking a Blue Moon & eating Flaming Hot Cheetos.
stop me if i get too wild for you.
i'm getting too wild for myself. excuse me for a second.
ah, yes, plain Ruffles potato chips are much more tame.
where were we?
i'm starting to like the sound of my own writing voice entirely too much. i used to write all the time when i was a teenager. of course when i was a teenager i popped a lot of pills & drank loads of cheap beer. now i'm much more boring.
i work for the man. i have a kid. i have bills, debt.
while other almost 23 year olds are bar hopping, i'm changing diapers. while most almost 23 year olds are just waking up at noon on a Saturday, i'm hoping my son will go down for his nap without a fight.
i know it might seem like i'm bitter but i'm not. i'm not bitter because when some of my peers do decide to have kids, my son will be older. while they're just experiencing sleepless nights, my son is already past that. he's already potty trained & feeding himself. i'll be 40 when my son graduates high school. so it has it's positives as well.
the chips are gone. the Blue Moon is less than half gone.
i really don't like this shit. but i can't let perfectly good beer go to waste. there are college kids somewhere right now drinking PBR or Natty Ice or some other abomination.
when i was in high school i drank Colt 45. it was cheap & the gas station around the corner from my friend's house didn't card. if we couldn't afford the 45, we just stole her dad's Miller Lite. see...shitty beer.
once, when i was17. i didn't sleep for a month straight. i was mentally unhinged & severely depressed but my writing was great. i've known ever since then that i have to suffer to produce. happiness does nothing for my art.
the Blue Moon is gone.
too bad i have a child now. the rest of that 6 pack would go great with a Vicodin.
but, alas, i'm going to bed.
stop me if i get too wild for you.
i'm getting too wild for myself. excuse me for a second.
ah, yes, plain Ruffles potato chips are much more tame.
where were we?
i'm starting to like the sound of my own writing voice entirely too much. i used to write all the time when i was a teenager. of course when i was a teenager i popped a lot of pills & drank loads of cheap beer. now i'm much more boring.
i work for the man. i have a kid. i have bills, debt.
while other almost 23 year olds are bar hopping, i'm changing diapers. while most almost 23 year olds are just waking up at noon on a Saturday, i'm hoping my son will go down for his nap without a fight.
i know it might seem like i'm bitter but i'm not. i'm not bitter because when some of my peers do decide to have kids, my son will be older. while they're just experiencing sleepless nights, my son is already past that. he's already potty trained & feeding himself. i'll be 40 when my son graduates high school. so it has it's positives as well.
the chips are gone. the Blue Moon is less than half gone.
i really don't like this shit. but i can't let perfectly good beer go to waste. there are college kids somewhere right now drinking PBR or Natty Ice or some other abomination.
when i was in high school i drank Colt 45. it was cheap & the gas station around the corner from my friend's house didn't card. if we couldn't afford the 45, we just stole her dad's Miller Lite. see...shitty beer.
once, when i was17. i didn't sleep for a month straight. i was mentally unhinged & severely depressed but my writing was great. i've known ever since then that i have to suffer to produce. happiness does nothing for my art.
the Blue Moon is gone.
too bad i have a child now. the rest of that 6 pack would go great with a Vicodin.
but, alas, i'm going to bed.
i dont deserve love
my ex & i have a child.
you know where this is going, right? or you think you do.
why is my ex my ex? why do we have this beautiful child:
&, yet, we are not together, happily making more beautiful babies and planning a future.
why, you ask? i'll tell you why: because i am an atheist.
yup. i believe in one fewer gods than 89% of the world's population & that makes me undeserving of love.
after almost a year of trying to repair a beyond damaged relationship he finally told me the truth. isn't that something? i told him i was an atheist well before our child was conceived. well before it was too late to back out & run like hell. so why now?
why the fuck does it matter now? why can't we still be together? he can go to church every Sunday (which he doesn't). he can read the bible (which he doesn't). he can pray (which i've never seen him do). he listened to gospel music once but i put my headphones on...but other than that, i will support him in his religious endeavors 100%. but no. that's not good enough.
i'm a good mother, a good person, i'm funny, smart, polite, hygienic, great in bed [citation needed] ....but i am not good enough.
not good enough. (read that again)
i am not good enough because i don't believe in something that NO ONE has proof for. (not the religious definition of proof but the scientific one.)
you know what else i don't believe in? unicorns.
but i'm never judged on that. why? because unicorns aren't real. no one has seen one. there's no proof that they've ever existed. so why is it not ok that i don't believe in god for those same reasons?
why is my lack of belief not respected & held in the same regard as his belief? why do people hate atheists so much?
and why am i not good enough?
you know where this is going, right? or you think you do.
why is my ex my ex? why do we have this beautiful child:
&, yet, we are not together, happily making more beautiful babies and planning a future.
why, you ask? i'll tell you why: because i am an atheist.
yup. i believe in one fewer gods than 89% of the world's population & that makes me undeserving of love.
after almost a year of trying to repair a beyond damaged relationship he finally told me the truth. isn't that something? i told him i was an atheist well before our child was conceived. well before it was too late to back out & run like hell. so why now?
why the fuck does it matter now? why can't we still be together? he can go to church every Sunday (which he doesn't). he can read the bible (which he doesn't). he can pray (which i've never seen him do). he listened to gospel music once but i put my headphones on...but other than that, i will support him in his religious endeavors 100%. but no. that's not good enough.
i'm a good mother, a good person, i'm funny, smart, polite, hygienic, great in bed [citation needed] ....but i am not good enough.
not good enough. (read that again)
i am not good enough because i don't believe in something that NO ONE has proof for. (not the religious definition of proof but the scientific one.)
you know what else i don't believe in? unicorns.
but i'm never judged on that. why? because unicorns aren't real. no one has seen one. there's no proof that they've ever existed. so why is it not ok that i don't believe in god for those same reasons?
why is my lack of belief not respected & held in the same regard as his belief? why do people hate atheists so much?
and why am i not good enough?
Thursday, January 26, 2012
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